


Picking up the Pieces of Our Lives

by FanfictionIsGood



Category: Harry Potter - Fandom
Genre: Depressed Draco, Drarry, F/F, F/M, M/M, PTSD Harry, Self Harm, Suicidal Draco, im going to hell for writing this but ur reading it so see y'all there, they just really need eachother ok, tw
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-06
Updated: 2018-05-19
Packaged: 2019-02-11 03:55:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 11,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12926859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FanfictionIsGood/pseuds/FanfictionIsGood
Summary: Originally on Wattpad (my username is the same thing, FanfictionIsGood, and the fic title is the same)but I moved it to here to reach a wider audience. My writing gets better as it goes on, I swear.-----It's eighth year at Hogwarts and Harry just can't stand to stay in that dark old house any longer. He goes to school and finds that without a distraction like Voldemort, Harry is becoming obsessed with Draco Malfoy. Draco just seems to be acting off.Draco Malfoy couldn't stand to be at the manor anymore. It only reminded him of what he had become. Of what his family had become while He was there. When he comes back to school for eighth year, he is just falling apart. He tries his best to use his Malfoy Mask™ to hide what's going on, and it works mostly, the only person it doesn't work on is the one person he wishes he could avoid. Harry Potter.





	1. Eighth Year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ew I cringed. I hate how I used to write. If you keep reading, I promise you, the writing really does get better

****WARNING****

**This fanfic has self-harm, suicidal thoughts, and things like that. If you are sensitive to these things, you should turn back around and read something else. You have been warned**

**Also: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters. They all belong the the amazing author JK Rowling, I just wanted to write this story about them :)**

\-----  
Harry 

After the battle of Hogwarts, Harry had decided he couldn't stand to live with the Dursley's any more. Harry was an of age wizard, and had his own home, left to him by his late godfather, Sirius Black, and he had a very large pile of gold waiting for him in his vault. He also liked the idea of Grimmauld Place because it was under a fidelious charm, so no one from the Wizarding world could bother him, other than his friends, whom knew of the address. 

Ever since the war had ended, Harry would get flashbacks whenever he would get startled and he had more panic attacks in one day than he'd like to admit. Ron and Hermione usually visited him during lunch and dinner to make sure he was doing alright, and often were there to calm him during a panic attack.

"Looks like we got our letters. I swear, no matter where we go, they know how to find us with these bloody owls! If You-Know-Who really wanted to find us, he should've just sent an owl to us." Ron proclaimed after three owls perched themselves on the open windowsill. "Well, the Owls may know where we may have been, but they can't exactly talk and tell the Death Eaters our location, can they, Ron?" Hermione responded. Harry remained silent as he prepared some tea for the three of them. "So, what's new, Harry?" Hermione asked upon realizing he had stayed quiet throughout the exchange. "Eh, nothing new. I've been researching how to get rid of that hideous screeching painting. So far, the only thing I've found that keeps her quiet is if I threaten to rip her right out of her frame and burn it in the fireplace." Harry chuckled. Ron and Hermoine were glad to see Harry was laughing. After the war, he rarely even smiled. He atmosphere seemed to have lightened significantly at that.

"Oh my goodness! Look! McGonagall has made me the Head Girl of our year!" The girl said with a shriek. 

"Like there was ever a doubt you wouldn't get it.." Ron commented

"Well I did miss a whole year of school—I just—I'm so happy!" 

"Hermione, your the brightest witch of our age. Knowing you, you probably studied all of seventh year material in fourth year!" Ron exclaimed

"Er, well..uh" and with that, she started to blush 

"Wait..Guys, it says here on the parchment that were probably going to have to share a dorm with the other eight years. A huge chunk of the castle is missing and says that their using parts from each of the house dorms to build it up. They can fit all the grades except...our year. We're the smallest year apparently they only need a few people out from each house so they just decided to take our year out..." Said Hermione. 

Ron butted in, his face horrified "wait..so you mean to say we might have to share a bloody common room with all of the other houses? Hufflepuff? Ravenclaw? Slytherin!?" 

"Yes, Ronald. That's what I just said. I think we're still allowed to visit the Gryffindor common room, although we'd probably have to be back in the dorms by curfew." Hermione finished. 

"Merlin's Left Sock! Look at the time! I'm so sorry, Harry! I need to get back home so we can make it to our trip on time! Are we still in to go to Diagon Alley next week? Make sure to bring your cloak! Bye!" Before Harry got to answer, Hermione had already apperated to her home. 

"Sorry, mate. Gotta go home. Mum will be absolutely mad if I'm not back soon! See you for lunch tomorrow."

"Bye, Ron."

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_That was my first chapter, if you liked it, please let me know. It will give me motivation to keep going. I will try write chapters consistently, but I can't make any promises,_

_Love you all,_

_xoxo_

_Celeste Lyra_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ew gross no i would edit how I wrote all of this but I'm putting it exactly like how I first wrote it on wattpad


	2. Hogwarts

Draco

During the battle of Hogwarts, he wished he would've died. No matter how many times he played it in his head, it would've been better if he did. There were so many opportunities for it to have happen as well, in the room of requirements, when he refused to fight, even before the battle when he refused to kill people, but he hadn't. And he wish he had.

Draco Malfoy sat on his bed in his room after refusing yet another meal. He couldn't sleep, eat, or do anything knowing the pain he had caused on other people. It was all his fault after all, wasn't it? All Draco did when he was up in his room was reflect on why he was such a bad person and cutting his arm. He would drag a dagger he got one of the house elves to bring him and would try to get rid of the ugly blemish on his pale skin, but no matter how many times he cut it, no matter how many times it healed, it would still be there. Draco usually had scabs on his left arm at all times because he didn't have a want he could use to heal his wounds, not that he wanted to. Draco felt as though he deserved every wound he got, every hex or jinx was somethig he deserves for being one of them.

He didn't want to be one of them, so why did he go through with it. He should be locked up in Azkaban with his father, but for some reason, he wasn't. Draco had no idea why he wasn't rotting away in Azkaban, even thought he confessed to being a Death Eater.

Now, he was crouched over the side of his bed watching the blood trickle down his forearm, mesmerized by it, when he heard a tap on his window. There, stood a brown barn owl. "Hogwarts." He thought. The blond had no idea why the school would have ever wanted him back, after all he had done, but then decided it would be much better to be at Hogwarts than the manor. All he ever thought about was that The Dark Lord had been there with him in the manor. Now, no matter how much had changed, no matter how much time had passed, the manor would never feel like home, all it would bring is memories of the screams–then silence. Memories of people begging for mercy, memories of Him being there, forcing Draco to hurt them. In fifth year, Draco couldn't even pay attention in class because he knew that He was living in his house, hurting innocent people. He was failing every class and had to sign up for Professor Umbridge's inquisitor squad to make sure he could continue going to Hogwarts. It only got worse in sixth year, however.

As he looked through the letter, his mind wandered off to first year, when he met Harry Potter. He wanted to impress him so much, even before he knew who he was. Draco had no idea at the time why he felt like he had to prove to Potter how much better he was than him, why he felt he had to show off and tease him, until Blaise told him he might actually like Potter. He said that maybe Draco might like the Gryffindork because he hasn't let the shame of rejection go, and it had been four years. The blond had been so mad at Blaise for even insinuating that he might have affections for Potter, but then he realized how right he was. Now, Draco laid down on his bed, staring at the ceiling in the manor, wondering how bad the tormenting at Hogwarts would be.


	3. New Dorms

Harry

The sorting has concluded and everyone began to erupt in noise as they talked and ate. Many of them were whispering about the Savior Harry Potter. Harry avoided most of the states and whispers, but if someone asked him anything directly, he would make sure to answer them. This actually surprised Ron and Hermione because whenever they visited him at Grimmald Place, he hardly spoke. When Harry castes a glance at all of the tables, he noticed one person in particular had been acting aloof since the train. Draco Malfoy. 

When they tried to find an empty compartment, the friends had come across one that contained only one person in it, that being the blonde haired Slytherin. The three Gryffindor were forced to sit there with him as there were no other empty compartments around. The entire journey, Malfoy hadn't uttered a single word, he hadn't even acknowledged them. This made Harry become very suspicious. In the Great Hall, Harry noticed Malfoy wasn't eating anything, he hadn't even put food on his plate. All he did was stare at it, looking at the plate as though it would spill the greatest secrets of the world if he watched it long enough. Harry hadn't even noticed he had been staring until Ron interrupted his train of thoughts.

"Wotcher, Harry. Are you trying to read his mind or something?"

"Oh, uh no... It's just that–doesn't Malfoy seem a little off to you?"

"Oi Harry, your starting to remind me of how you acted back in sixth year!"

"Well I was right though!"

"Well yeah, I guess it does seem a little off that he's not eating, but maybe it's just that he's not hungry. I'd probably not be eating if I was getting the same treatment as him. I'm sure it's nothing though, mate."

"Whatever..."

At the end of the feast, the eight years were being shown their new dormitories. Harry had made a couple of mental notes through the meal, one: if he's going to eat in the Great Hall, he needed to bring the invisibility cloak. Two: he should always have the Marauder's Map handy. The entrance to the dormitories was what used to be one of the restricted floors. It appears that while they were restoring the castle, they fixed up that floor and transformed it so that it may be used as a dorm. 

As soon as they were shown the common room, Harry made a break for the rooms. He found that most of them had students of different houses combined in the same room. Dean and Seamus were stuck with two Ravenclaw blokes, Terry Boot and Michael Corner. After looking for his room for a couple more seconds, Harry finds that he is one of the few that only have three. Himself, Ron and...Malfoy? Well it was going to be a long year...

Begrudgingly, Harry marched through the door and flopped down onto the middle bed where his trunk lay at the foot of it. He pulled out the fake galleon that Hermione made back in fifth year, although she made some alterations so Harry could communicate with only certain people if he wanted to, and started to send a message to the two of them. A minute later, he get his hand grow hot, and looked at the galleon "Sodding Malfoy? Really?" That must've been Ron. Soon, a second one came "Sorry Harry." 

After another minute, the door flew open. Harry fully expected to see Ron to walk through the door, but was instead greeted with a very reserved looking Slytherin. His face was drawn and tinted a little grey and looked around the room. He barely glanced at Harry before looking away, as though afraid to meet his eye, and then walked to the bed on the left of Harry. Unable to keep his curiosity in check, Harry allowed his eyes to wander to Malfoy, who has yet to say a word to Harry since the war. Malfoy grabbed some silk pajamas, what looked to be as some bandages, his new wand. Harry felt a twinge of guilt knowing that he still had the blonde's wand. 

The Slytherin walked out of the room to change. During the few minutes he was gone, Ron stumbled into the room. 

"Oi, Harry! So we have Malfoy as our roommate? Bloody hell!"

"I know, it's going to be a long year..."

The redhead then collapsed on his bed. Harry could tell he fell asleep, because after a large meal, Ron tended to sleep rather quickly. Soon, the blond walked back into the room, he looked, if even possible, even more pale than before. He walked quietly to the foot of his bed and put away his belongings and then crawled into bed, closing the curtains tightly as he did so. 

Harry decided after a few more minutes of absolute silence, that he decided he should probably go to sleep. He didn't bother changing, all he did was remove his cloak and unbutton his shirt before closing the curtains on his bed and finally falling into a deep sleep, one he rarely got to, even with the aid of a dreamless sleep potion.


	4. Unfortunate Roommates

Draco

Draco walked onto the platform all by himself for the first time. He had never felt so vulnerable I his life. Two days before, he had gotten a new wand at Ollivander's. It took so long for the Ministry to finally approve of him getting a wand, but he does have restrictions. He was not allowed to use magic outside of Hogwarts unless it was one of the spells approved by the Ministry until further notice. They had set charms upon his wand, and he hadn't even dared to try his wand, let alone try any magic. 

Draco walked curtly to the Hogwarts Express, to which he found many people staring, making faces, and whispering. Draco had grown used to this whenever he had to leave to gather things for his mother, Narcsissa,, but it still hurt to know these people, his own classmates whom he knew for years, despised him. Draco knew none of his friends were coming this year. All of them were of age, and a couple were afraid of the tormenting they would receive if they came back after some things they had done during the battle of Hogwarts. When the Slytherin had managed to finally find a compartment that was empty, he sighed in relief to know he wouldn't have to endure the comments for a while. The boy stowed his things away and sat down. He looked at King's Cross Station and remembered back to a time when all he had to worry about was making friends and about which house he would be put in, oh how amazing blissful ignorance had been to things like Dark Lords and Death Eaters. Now, he had to be here to take responsibility for his father's mistakes and for his own.

At a quarter to 11, Draco was forced out of his own thoughts when he heard some people come inside the compartment. They were talking when suddenly, they stopped. He knew exactly why, they saw him in there and we're going to start throwing hexes at him any second. The blonde hadn't even turned to look at the newcomers, he just sat there stiffly, awaiting the jinxes that were to come, but they didn't. Instead, he heard Potter.

"Er—Malfoy, could, er, we sit here...everywhere else is full..."

But the Slytherin said nothing, he did nothing. He just sat there, looking out the window. The Gryffindorks decided that his silence was an invitation, and sat down anyways. Draco was actually not upset about that at all, he just wished that he had said something. When they all say down, Draco decided to let his mind wander once more to a world where maybe, he could've been friends with those three. Maybe, he could've said no to becoming a Death Eater, and maybe, the Battle of Hogwarts hadn't happened...

~•~•~•~

The feast had ended and Draco had yet to eat anything. He had been so hungry, but decided not to eat because of two reasons. The first one was that whenever he ate, he felt like throwing it back up, and the second one was that he felt he did not deserve to eat. 

Soon, Professor McGonagall was escorting the entire eight year to their dormitory, and Draco waited to be in the back, where no one would notice him. When everyone had walked into the common room, he noticed how it got much more quiet when he walked in. He heard them whisper and point, the boy was even afraid a few would cast a jinx in him, but they all decided to leave him alone, for now. The blond looked around the common room for a few moments before deciding he should probably find his dorm. 

When Draco had finally reached his room, he looked at the names on it and felt his stomach drop. If anyone was going to give him a hard time, it would be Potter and Weasley, but then again, they did leave him alone on the train, but that might have just been because Granger was there. He walked in, looked around the room and found that Potter was looking up at him, he immediately looked away from the boy, fearing he might try to hex him, and walked briskly to his trunk. He grabbed his pajamas, some bandages to replace the old ones, and his wand, just in case.

When he got into the bathroom, Draco saw that there were two blokes already there, a Hufflepuff and a Ravenclaw. The two of them looked at Draco and quickly drew their wands.

"What's a Death Eater like you doing at Hogwarts, Malfoy?" The Hufflepuff said

Draco backed up until he stopped abruptly when he hit the wall, he said nothing.

"What? Got nothing to say? Your not even trying to defend yourself? Is it because you can't just run to your father to make the school expel us?" The Ravenclaw bit

"Diffindo!" The two of them shouted.

Draco would've been thrown back even further if he hadn't already been pushed up against the wall. Sudden cuts of various sizes were appearing across Draco's chest and he crumpled on the ground. Blood started to come out when he heard the two laugh and walk away, leaving him there on the floor. Draco forced himself up and move a shaky hand towards his wand and tried to heal his cuts. He had never been good at healing charms, so he cast a spell so that the wounds wouldn't scar at the very least.

When he was satisfied with the spell, the removed his shirt and cast a cleaning charm to remove the blood, but alas, he could not rep are the cuts on the shirt. The Slytherin folded it neatly and then moved his still shaking hands to the bandages. He decided that he could leave his arm bandages alone for now and proceeded to wrap his chest with the gauze. 

After Draco changed, he walked back into the dorm to see Potter now had a book on his bed, and the Weasley boy had fallen asleep in the room. The blonde put his belongings away, strictly noticing that Potter was watching his every move. When he put his clothes away, he grabbed his wand and closed the curtains on his bed. He used a nonverbal silencing spell and then proceeded to cry into his pillow. Draco would never be caught crying ever, in front of anyone. Malfoy's just didn't show emotions, especially weak ones such as love or sadness. When he was in bed was the only time he ever removed his Malfoy Mask and was able to freely express his emotions.


	5. Stalking

Harry

Harry Potter has been watching Malfoy for weeks, and not once, did he hear him utter a single word. Gryffindors and Slytherins had many classes together, and the entire time, he hadn't heard him say a single word. Harry began to wonder if he could speak at all. Harry also learned that Malfoy was never at any meals, or ever anywhere near people if he could help it and was in bed before him and up the earliest. It was during these weeks that Harry also noticed that he had been obsessed with Malfoy. Without a distraction to keep him from realizing how much he thought about the boy, the Gryffindor noticed how obsessed he was with him. At least beforehand, they were constantly poking fun of each other, so that gave him an excuse to focus on him, but this time, all Malfoy did was go to class and then go to the library. He didn't even go up to the dorms during the day.

Harry kept making up excuses to himself for why he should be watching Malfoy, but all the same, it wasn't a necessarily heathy habit. One of the excuses he told himself was that it kept him from thinking about the war, which was true, but that still did not stop him from getting panic attacks or nightmares. Yes, he did have few flashbacks during the day, but that was most likely from all of his classes, homework, and constant vigilance on girls trying to kidnap him.

After about a month of stalking him, Harry had decided maybe, Draco was just suffering after effects of that war, but that didn't shake this weird feeling he got whenever he noticed how The blonde had large dark circles around his eyes, when he noticed how pale he was, or whenever Harry noticed how loosely his close hung in him, even though his clothes were already very small.

~•~•~•~•

Professor McGonagall had told everyone that their first Hogsmeade trip was the upcoming weekend. Hermione and Ron had made plans to have a date in Hogsmeade which left Harry all alone for his first trip, which he hated. Harry had a major issue with being out and about without Ron or Hermione because without them, Harry usually panicked with the huge surge of people crowding around him. Harry still wanted to go to Hogsmeade, but decided upon bringing his invisibility cloak in case he needed to escape a crowd.

After an entire week of hiding in the dorms and living off of whatever Ron brings back from meals and trying to finish homework assignments, Harry finally made it to the weekend. He woke up early Saturday morning at the crack of dawn. Another nightmare about the Voldemort, the veil, and the Astronomy Tower. The Gryffindor knew he wouldn't be able to sleep anymore, so he decided to get up and maybe just sit in the common room. When Harry drew his curtains back, the boy noticed that Malfoy's curtains were not completely closed. The boy wonders if this meant he was awake as well.

Harry walked down the staircase and felt his feet meet the cool tile flooring. Before he even had a chance to emerge fully from the archway, he noticed Malfoy leaning out the window, fully dressed, staring intently at his left arm, somethig in his hand. Harry wondered what he was doing, but before he could even guess, Malfoy turned around and noticed Harry watching him. The last time Harry walked in in Malfoy doing something like his, Harry almost killed him. The thought still haunts him, and he felt guilt rush through him, as though he interrupted something private.

Before Harry could say anything, Malfoy had covered his arm and turned back around, staring down onto the ground below him. Harry walked away from the stairs and suddenly felt very awkward. He had expected some sort of reaction out of Malfoy, but, nothing. All he had done was cover his arm, but stayed rooted to the spot. It was when Harry sank into one of the chairs next to the fireplace, he felt he had to explain himself.

"I hadn't been able to sleep...I guess I decided down her was better than up there..." He mumbled softly.

Harry looked at the latter trying to see if he would show any indication that he heard what the Gryffindor just said to him. The blond nodded in agreement. At some point, the Slytherin boy moved to one of the couches and sat there, his face pale and drawn, huge dark circles under his eyes. There was a long time of silence, the only noise was the cackling of the fire, until Harry spoke again.

"I wish they were still here..." He said, his voice so quiet that if you weren't paying attention, it would've been missed.

Harry watched Malfoy again to see if he hear him, and he watched as the other boy closed his eyes and started to grip onto an exposed portion of his arm. He nodded as he dug his nails into his skin, pressing so hard that it was cutting into his flesh, beads of blood were starting to form when he opened his eyes again, making Harry look away again. After that, Harry stopped saying anything. By the time the sun started rising, the two stood up. Harry was going to walk upstairs to go and change and get grab his invisibility cloak while Draco just walked straight outside the room.


	6. Hogsmeade

Draco

The boy knew Potter had been watching him, he wasn't exactly discrete when it came to watching people, so Draco had to start making sure he was never around Potter. It just hurt him so much to see this boy, so happy and alive, to be watching someone like him, thinking he was up to something. 

McGonagall had told the entire school that the next Hogsmeade trip was going to be this weekend. Draco had almost not game, but decided last minute maybe he should, only so he could stop by Honeydukes and grab more chocolate. On Friday, Draco had not been able to sleep at all, and instead, spent a good portion of time crying. At about eleven o'clock, he stumbled out of bed, careful to not wake the other two boys. He swiftly grabbed his clothes, and brought them tithe bathroom to change, and put his pajamas away. Draco spent an hour looking outside the window in the common room and how easy it would be just to fall out and disappear forever and cutting his left arm, where the Dark Mark lay, when Potter had interrupted him.

Draco peered over his shoulder to see who it was, and upon finding out it was Potter, turned around and hastily covered his arm. Draco stood there for a while, staring outside and he heard Harry speak to him, the first time he's spoken to him since the Hogwarts Express, actually. After a little while, Draco decided to sit down, all he did was think about people who remained blissfully ignorant and managed to be happy, how he wished he could be like that.

"I wish they were still here..." The other boy said after a while. Draco closed his eyes and could feel crushing guilt fall upon him. He squeezed his arm so tightly, his nails were digging inside, causing his arm to draw blood. Draco could see them all, begging for mercy, screaming, and screaming, then silence. He remembered the house elves banging on the door because if they would to return, the would most certainly be tortured by Him. He started feeling sick, and when the blood started to form beads, he forced his mind to think of something else.

~•~•~

Draco walked to Hogsmeade looking around as he went. He decided that after grabbing a drink, he would go and buy his chocolate. When he sat down, however, he got a very nasty face from Rosmerta, before she put down a glass of Butterbeer. From the way she moved, it looked almost as though she put something in his drink, but he knew she didn't. After siting in silence for a couple minutes, when he heard a familiar voice ask him something.

"Hey, um is this spot taken?" Potter asked him

The blond shook his head

When Harry sat down, Madam Rosmerta had shown up and brought him his drink. She made a face at the Slytherin, but then hid it with a fake smile and walked away. This didn't go unnoticed by Draco and he looked down at his lap trying to ignore Potter.

"So, um, I dont think I've heard you say anything at all this year, have you lost your voice or something, Malfoy?" The Gryffindork asked, awkwardly.

"I haven't lost my voice, Potter, I just don't have anything to say..." Draco said, his voice horse from the lack of use.

"Wow, I actually hadn't expected you to respond because you never say anything."

"Well, this is one my first times speaking at all this school year, actually, and I hardly spoke during the Summer..."

"Really? And here I thought I hardly spoke!"

The blond merely nodded. And after another long while, Potter took a few gulps of his Butterbeer before Draco spoke to him.

"I really didn't want to come back this year..." He said quietly, staring down at his drink.

"Why wouldn't you want to come back? And if you didn't, why did you not stay back home?" The Boy-Who-Lived asked.

"Well, I don't want to come because I knew I was going to get ridiculed out here, but I would much rather have hexes, jinxes, anything like that than to stay another day at the manor. After fourth year, the manor stopped being my home.."

"Wait, so people have been hexing you here?" The other boy seeming to have gone into defensive mode.

"Well, it was nothing I don't deserve, I mean, I should very well be locked up in Azkaban right now, but I'm not...I don't even know why..." He mumbled.

"You don't deserve to be hexed unless you provoke someone, much like how we were back when in first through fifth year, you should not be getting hexed because of a decision were forced to make when you were sixteen" Potter responded sternly.

"Whatever...I just don't have the energy to argue right now.." Draco said very softly.

Potter had finished his Butterbeer, and looked over to Draco's drink, a question in his eyes, but before he could ask, the Slytherin spoke.

"You know, I swear I saw her put something in my Butterbeer, I honestly hope she did" he said the last part even more quiet than he was already talking and took a large swig of his Butterbeer

"Malfoy, do you really think that she'd put anything in the drinks!" Potter said hotly, starting to grow upset, but Draco got up and walked away before he could continue.

The boy wondered if Potter had heard him say that last part, part of him hoped he did.


	7. The Map

Harry

He sat there in The Three Broomsticks for a few minutes, replaying what Malfoy had just said to him. He had hope she did poison it, then chugged the whole thing and ran off. Oh Merlin, is Malfoy suicidal? Harry felt himself grow weak imagining the blond swallowing the beverage and foaming at the mouth such as Ron did in sixth year, but this time, Harry doesn't have a bezoar with him to save Malfoy. Eventually, Harry stood up and made his way out of the bar, placing down a galleon, which was much more than enough to cover the price of the drinks, as he went.

Sometime later, Harry met Hermione and Ron taking a stroll and Harry walked up to the two of them.

"Guys!"

"Oi Harry! Blimey! You nearly gave me a heart failure!" Ron shouted

"Oh sorry, forgot I had the cloak on,"

"It's fine, Harry. What's wrong, you look upset?" Hermione asked

"I went to grab a drink at the Three Broomsticks and I met Malfoy there."

"Merlin, Harry, your obsessed with him..." Ron groaned

"Well I told you! When I was talking to him, he drew blood!" Harry bit

Hermione interrupted "Wait, drew blood? What do you mean?"

"'Mione, he's just paranoid, I'm sure it's nothing." Ron said batting the air with his hands

"Well," Harry started explaining, "this morning I couldn't sleep, so I walked down to the common room and Malfoy was already there! He was doing something to his arm but then stop when he knew I was there. At some point I said how I still miss everyone and he closed his eyes and started digging his nails into his arm so hard that he drew blood. Ron says that he was just angry or something, but he looked more sad than angry." Harry took a deep breath in and continued "and when I was at the Three Broomsticks, I sat next to him, because there were no other seats, and he finally talks! He said he's hardly said a bloody word all year! Then he says that people have been hexing him and he deserves it, before mumbling something about Rosmerta maybe putting something in his drink, like a poison! Then he says how he hopes she did put somethings and chugs the whole bloody drink! He said it so quietly that I think he thinks I didn't hear!"

Ron and Hermione had remained quiet the entire time Harry explained, then finally the witch spoke. "Maybe, Harry, he is depressed, I mean, his father is in Azkaban and his mother under house arrest, I just wouldn't worry about him, Harry..." 

~•~•~•~

Hermione had told Harry to stop worrying about Malfoy, but instead, he did quite the opposite. He couldn't stop wondering what happened to the old Malfoy whom was his nemesis. What happened to the Malfoy that made snarky comments, the Malfoy that used to tease him relentlessly, what happened to the Malfoy that would smirk when Harry did something wrong in potions? What happened to the Malfoy that had confidence? Harry had no idea why, but he was just so upset that Malfoy wasn't talking doing that, and it felt so weird to see him all alone, looking broken. Harry decided that he should use the Marauder's Map to find out anything extra about the bloke because he just seemed so off. Even in Sixth year, he acted somewhat like his normal sarcastic self.

The next day, Harry had forgotten his invisibility cloak and there were too many people in the common room, so he was forced to sit in the library for lunch. He sent a quick message on the fake galleon letting Ron and Hermione know where he was, and then walked into the library. He made his way to the section of books on Quidditch and began to read. He hadn't even noticed he sat in the seat in front of Malfoy, actually, he seemed completely oblivious to Malfoy. The Gryffindor read the book thinking about Ginny being the new seeker, since Harry hated them cheering for him, he hated the other teams purposely letting him win. 

Harry and Ginny were good friends, and had decided it was for the best of they stopped seeing each other, a relief on both ends. Ginny had even said she was interested in someone else, but wouldn't say who. 

After a small while, Harry noticed who was right in front of him when they shifted in the seat. Harry looked up and noticed it was Malfoy. The blond looked up at him and seemed to notice for the first time, that Harry was there. Malfoy was the forced to speak again, which surprised Harry, since he never spoke.

"Why are you here, Potter?" His face, bemused

"I could ask you the same, Malfoy." He said automatically 

"I asked first" 

"Well if you must know, I don't fancy the entire Great Hall attacking me to touch 'the Savior'" Harry grimaced at himself "so why are you here?"

"You have people surrounding you because they love you while I have people surrounding me for the opposite reason." Malfoy said flatly

"Are you always hiding in here? Don't you eat anything?" Harry asked, disbelief in his eyes

"I'm never hungry. Just thinking of eating makes me feel sick" the Slytherin mumbled, placing his eyes back onto the book he was reading. 

~•~•~•~

Malfoy had missed a few classes already and now it was almost halfway through Transfiguration, and Harry couldn't focus knowing that Malfoy was gone. During the middle of the class, he pulled out the map and began to look for the blond's name. After scanning all of the rooms for the third time, Harry finally found him. Harry had overlooked him so many times because he knew Malfoy is never around other people, but at the moment, there are four other students all around him. Harry watches and they get steadily closer, the Malfoy is pushed back into a wall. He watched as the four students walked away and Malfoy's name had remained against the wall until is moved slowly to the dormitories. 

"Um, Professor?"

"Yes, Mr. Potter?"

"May I use the bathroom?"

"Of course. Use the hall pass, please"

Harry took the path to the boys bathrooms because he knew he would run right into Malfoy if he did. And there he was, his face had a large purple bruise from his cheekbone all the way don to his jawline, his lip was busted, and he was walking with a slight limp.

"Merlin, Malfoy! What happened to you?!"

All Malfoy did was look at him, and he continued to walk along, leaving Harry with a sick feeling in his stomach.


	8. Blood, Cuts, and Suicidal Thoughts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _**TRIGGER WARNING** _

**_**WARNING! SELF HARM AND OTHER RELATED THEMES**_ **

Draco

It was lunch time and Draco sat in his usual spot in the library, only to be interrupted by the Boy-Who-Lived sitting right in front of him. When he finally noticed the blond, Draco wondered why he was in the library rather than the Great Hall. They only spoke for about a minute, and then the conversation was over.

The next day, he had missed Arithmancy, Herbology, Defense Against the Dark Arts, and now half of Transfiguration, and it was because of many different reasons that seemed to be related. Last night was the first time he had actually been able to sleep and missed Arithmancy. After that, he knew he had missed some classes, so he decided just to stay in the dorms for a little while longer, pulling out a bottle of firewhiskey that he kept whenever he felt particularly down. He enchanted the alcohol so it would have no odor, and began to drink. It was going to be almost the end of DADA when Draco decided he should stop drinking so he could make it to Transfiguration.

As Draco stumbled along a deserted hallway, he met four other students Draco was too drunk to know who they were, what house they were in, or even what year they were when they started crowding around him. Shoving him around, taunting him. After a while of them punching and kicking the Slytherin, they started throwing hexes at him saying things to him like 'looks like you can't go running to mummy and daddy this time, you filthy inbred Death Eater!' Or 'why aren't you fighting back, prat? Worried you'll get sent to Azkaban where you belong?' After shooting one final hex at him, one of them sneered as they shouted at Draco saying "you know, you should just kill yourself, it'd do all of us a favor!"

That's when Draco had enough. He watched the four leave, laughing wildly, he slowly got up and decided he wouldn't go to class today. He slowly started limping back to the dormitories when he ran into Potter of all people. The Gryffindork was walking to the bathroom and ran into him, Draco's heart lurched and all he wanted was to be wrapped up in his arms, but no, because Potter definitely wasn't gay, and even if he was, he would never love a foul creature such as himself. When Potter asked what happened to him, it took all of his willpower to not run up to him and tell him everything, to have the Gryffindor envelope him in warmth and tell him everything, because right now, Draco was going to plan his death.

~•~•~•~

Back in the room, Draco pulled out his favorite silver dagger and started pressing it against his skin. He felt the relief almost immediately when he could see the liquid run down his forearm. But soon, the cute he made on his arm weren't enough. He started pulling up his shirt and looked at the skin there. He could easily just start cutting there. He turned back to his left arm, scars and scabs and cuts littered his arm, but you could still see very plainly the Dark Mark. He began to start making slashes on his hips, yelling out at himself, angry, as he made a new one. "Your worthless!" He said "How could anyone ever love you?" He mocked, himself "Your just a sad excuse for human existence!" He screamed "Your so fat and you don't eat!" Draco now had about thirty cuts on his hips, each one growing deeper than the last. Finally, Draco made one last remark at himself "Y-you should just die!" And with that the depressed Slytherin boy started weeping on his bed. He cried for what felt like hours.

It was almost four in the afternoon, Draco had been drinking his fire whiskey and he almost finished his first bottle, when he heard footsteps leading up to the dorms. The blond pulled the curtains together and hid the liquor under his pillow. The door flew open and his two roommates walked into the room. Draco was completely wasted, so he prayed they had nothing to say to him, in fear they might discover his plans.

All they did was walk into the rooms retrieve their things and leave. The blond breathed a sigh of relief. He pulled out the bottle once more and began drinking, just like he did in sixth year, like he did now. He drank and drank until he could feel no more, until he couldn't think straight, until he heard snores fill the room. That was when he stopped himself from drinking, not because he didn't want to drink anymore, but because he ran out of his supply under his bed. If he wanted more, he'd have to get out of bed and open his trunk. He fully believed that at the moment, he couldn't even stand up, so he laid down and tried to sleep.

~•~•~•~•

He was so hungover. He was sure of it. Luckily, there were two bathrooms for the three of them, a perk of having everyone's favorite Golden Boy as a dorm mate, so he kept himself inside one ever since four in the morning. He hated the taste the bile when he threw it up, but felt like he deserved every bit of pain he got. He was a Death Eater after all, and they should be in Azkaban, surrounded by their worst memories, slowly dying. Since Draco wasn't allowed there, he made himself miserable here.

His head throbbed and his body ached. He had retched few times, confused to why he threw anything up at all. He hadn't eaten in days, and when his stomach was empty, all he could do dry heave now. He sat himself down on Potter's bed. The boys were now long gone, and Draco had the whole room to himself. The blond laid on the Golden Boy's bed and breathed in his scent. Warm, fire, forest, home. He sat there a long time, thinking about how hopelessly in love he was, before telling himself sternly that he could never tell Potter.

If Potter ever knew, he would kill the Slytherin boy before he had a chance to kill himself. He mused the idea of Potter shoving him of a tower when it hit him. That's how he should go. It would be a dramatic death and get it over with fast enough. He sat in the other boy's bed for a little bit longer, until deciding he should do it soon. Draco got up and walked to his own bed, and tried to sleep, only until after lunch he was able to drift off into fitful nightmare riddled rest.


	9. Disappearing and Reappearing

Harry

He had so many questions pestering his mind at the moment, by the main ones where "why isn't Malfoy in class today?", "How long were those four attacking him before he got away?", "Why didn't he go to Madam Pomfery?", and finally, "Why hasn't he come back to class?". Harry had no idea why he was becoming so obsessed with the blond, after all, he hated the arrogant prat! He insulted his friends, his family, Harry himself as well! But why does he care so much now, and more importantly, why did he miss the old Draco Malfoy.

Harry, Ron and Hermione were walking back up to the common room when classes were finished, bickering about Malfoy.

"All I'm saying, mate, is that you're obsessed. I'm not disagreeing about his behavior, but I wouldn't get so wound up about it, and Merlin! You're still having panic attacks and flashbacks of the war! You shouldn't have to worry about anyone else!" Ron argued

"Ronald's right. I'm not complaining about how he's been acting recently. He's been respectful enough to leave us alone. I don't think is good that he's getting bullied, but we don't have evidence, and if we were to show McGonagall the map, she'd get us in trouble for keeping it this long."

"But Hermione! He doesn't eat! At all! And he's always up at ungodly hours, and he looks so pale and thin that you may as well call him a ghost!"

"Harry, mate, I'm glad that you worry about him even though he was your sworn enemy only two years ago, and you want to help him, but the way your acting, someone might think you fancy him or something. I mean, all you do is talk about him. It's like sixth year all over again."

"F-Fancy Malfoy?! I don't bloody fancy that git!"

"We know Harry" Hermione said "but to someone else, they way you tend to obsess over people can make it seem like that."

"I'm just really worried. He looks on the outside how I feel on the inside, you know..." Harry spoke cautiously

It was somewhere around four when the three friends had finished their homework. Apparently after seeing The Savior of the Wizarding World in the common room, people eventually left him alone. He was finally about to get some work done. When Ron and Harry walked up to their dorm to put away their things, Harry noticed the way the curtains moved on Malfoy's bed. Harry felt a little relief knowing where he was, but it also caused him to feel more agitated. Even though Ron hadn't meant anything by it, saying Harry liked Malfoy, it made him stir in the inside. Just looking at the bed where Malfoy lay, the feeling of wanting to check up on him, Harry knew what he felt was probably more than just worry.

~•~•~•~•~

The next day, Harry hadn't seen Malfoy again. He was definitely not in bed when Harry woke up, but he wasn't at class. When lunchtime rolled around, he had gone to the library to find him. It wasn't until he knew Malfoy wasn't inside there did he remember the map. He searched and searched for the tiny dot labeled "Draco Malfoy" and almost gave up, when his heart gave a lurch. He was in their room. He was okay.

Harry cursed inwardly at the way his heart did gymnastics inside his chest whenever he knew Malfoy was doing fine. Harry honestly was worried sick about Malfoy, and his developing crush was not helping. Malfoy looked as though 'sleep' and 'eating' we're not in his vocabulary, and it reminded him of how he himself once looked. Harry even considered suicide more than once, and had tried cutting himself a couple times before eventually stopping. Harry couldn't do that to Ron and Hermione, or to any of the Weasley's for that matter.

Harry had gotten help from a muggle psychiatrist, but obviously left out a huge chunk of information, and now no longer visited her. He didn't tell Rom or Hermione about hurting himself or about getting help, because he hated seeing pity in their faces.

When Harry considered how he felt when he was in a similar position, he could only imagine how awful Malfoy felt. Harry would at least get constant praise, though he hated it, it was much better than being brutally attacked. And Malfoy had even said it himself, he felt like he deserved it. That only made Harry feel even worse.

~•~•~•~•~

Harry was starting to panic when he couldn't find Malfoy at class for a third day. If he wasn't there by the end of class, Harry would go and tell a professor and have them help Malfoy, but just then, everyone's favorite Slytherin walked right into the classroom. He looked terrible. Even though he dressed incredibly and his hair was perfectly in place, his eyes were sunken, his cheeks hollow, his skin was tinted a shade a grey, and he still had a healing bruise covering a quarter of his face. Professor Slughorn, had made everyone pair up with someone else. Ron and Hermione had paired up immediately. A large number of people wanted to pair up with Harry, but no one wanted to be with Malfoy. Slughorn, seeing the problem, made the two pair together. Harry was not complaining, because he was rubbish at Potions and no longer had Prince's (Snape's) Potions book, to help him, and also, he could watch Malfoy from up close.

Harry watched as Malfoy walked to the cauldron. The other boy absentmindedly pulled up his sleeves, and with doing so, revealed something hideous. He had bloodied bandage covering his arms, but didn't cover all of his cuts. A few of the wounds even peaked out from under the bandages. Harry had no idea what kind of face he made, but it must have been bad enough for the Slytherin to pull back his robes, and not look him in the eye for the rest of class.

After an hour, the two had created a perfect antidote for dragon pox and received full marks. When class dismissed, Harry meant to run after Malfoy and confront him about his cuts, but the youngest of the Malfoys was nowhere to be found. The Gryffindor went to grab the map, but found that he left it back in his trunk. Disappointed, Harry put on his cloak, and started walking to his next class.


	10. Let's End It

Draco

_Oh Merlin. Oh Merlin! OH MERLIN!! He saw my bloody cuts! He thinks I'm disgusting!_ Draco Malfoy thought to himself as he rushed out of Potions the second Slughorn dismissed class. The blond had pulled up his sleeves, just a habit of his whenever he started working in a potion. He had completely forgotten all about his cuts and scars and--and the Dark Mark. The face Potter had made when he saw them, practically proved that he hated Draco. His face contorted and a look of disgust fitted over his usually handsome face. When the blond saw him make this face, it just proved he must hate him. Why else would he make such an expression? Right?

Draco hadn't even the courage or confidence to look Potter in the face, let alone have eye contact. All he could feel was self-loathing and disgust towards himself. Right when he thought maybe Potter didn't hate him, Draco just had to ruin things.

Now, he was running to the dorms. He had to put his things away and do this now. He couldn't wait until after winter break, it had to be now. The Slytherin couldn't spend another day being attacked by his peers who all loathed him. The boy couldn't spend another day, hoping things would get better. He wouldn't spend another day, pining after a boy who would never love him back. He wouldn't spend another day living. _This is exactly why Malfoy's don't have emotions such as sadness or love. They are pitiful and only lead to self-destruction_ Draco of though to himself bitterly.

~•~•~•~•~•~

It was free period. Most eighth years spent the time studying and doing homework, but not a certain blond haired Slytherin. Draco Malfoy started walking up the stairs the astronomy tower. His hand twitched with the wand inside it, his stomach twisted up and knotted at the memories from sixth year. A few times, Draco had thought he heard someone walking behind him, and each time, he had to tell himself it wasn't another student coming to use a stinging hex.

When the boy reached the top, he started to speak aloud to himself.

"Well, I guess this is the end, isn't it... You did all those things to live only to die now, how pathetic!" His voice shook, bitterness and loathing in every syllable

"It can all end now, where it all began, I suppose..." Draco's voice cracked as he looked out onto the floor beneath him, raising his wand to his head.

" _Avada-_ "

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	11. Let's Continue This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some triggering stuff here folks

Harry

"Oi! Harry, mate, what's wrong? You look upset, are you alright?" Ron said, his voice calm, pity in his eyes.

"Yeah, I'm fine, but I don't think Malfoy is..." He replied

"What do you mean, Harry? We know he's been depressed and stuff, but he looks fine to me." said the freckled ginger

"No, Ron, you didn't see it. He has bandages covering his arms, with blood on them!! And I could see some cuts that the bandages didn't cover!" Harry said hotly. The other boy paled and Hermione stepped in to respond for him.

"Merlin, Harry! We have to tell someone! As much as I don't like him, I still don't want to hear about him hurting himself!" She said, looking flustered.

"I know, Hermione, I wanted to talk with him after class, but he just ran away! I have a really bad feeling about this whole thing..."

"You should go and find him, it's a free period so he can't be in any classes, Ron and I will go and find a teacher and if we can, Professor McGonagall."

"Gotcha. I have to get the map, but I got the cloak on me. Wish me luck..." The Gryffindor said with a dry chuckle

Harry had made it up to the dorms when he saw Malfoy walking swiftly away. Harry hurried to grab the map and put on the cloak to find the blond, quick. He had no idea why, but he felt like something very bad was going to happen very soon, and he needed to be there to prevent it.

~•~•~•~

Harry had lost Malfoy a couple times and he snaked around the castle, the other boy keen to avoid other students. Every here and there, he stumbled over his feet, trying hard to not reveal himself. When he did this, Malfoy would flinch and look around wildly before telling himself no other student was around, that he was safe from them.

As the pair reached the top of the astronomy tower, Harry couldn't help but to feel nervous and panic stricken, being where one of his last father figures had died. When at the top, Harry watched as Malfoy spoke aloud to himself.

"Well, I guess this is the end, isn't it... You did all those things to live only to die now, how pathetic!" Harry could hear the other boy's shake with hatred for himself.

"It can all end now, where it all began, I suppose..." The Slytherin boy's voice cracked as he raised his wand. Harry didn't understand what the Slytherin meant at first, but then he realized what he was going to do.

_"Avada-"_

But before the blond could finish, the Gryffindor shouted

_"EXPELLIARMUS!!"_

The wand was shot right out of the other boy's hand, he pushed his body up against the railing of the tower.

"Who's there!" The blond shouted. In that instance, Harry threw back the cloak to reveal himself. The other boy looked stunned for a moment, before snapping back into reality.

"Walk away from the edge, Malfoy..." Harry said calmly, wand at the ready in case the blond tried to do anything.

"Why? So that the Golden Boy, precious Savior of the Wizarding World can say he saved another life?" He spat, his eyes watering, although his voice was steady,

"No, Malfoy, you may think that I don't like you, but you can't be dense enough to think I want you dead. Now step away from the edge of the tower." the Gryffindor said softly,

"Sure...you may not want me to die, whatever, but there certainly are others that would like me gone!" Malfoy bit.

"So what, its not like you didn't have people criticizing you before, why do you decide to do this now? Don't you have anything to live for? Your parents, friends, anything?" Harry asked as he starts to inch his way to the Slytherin.

"Why do I decide to die now? Probably because now, I have no reason to live! I tried to find things, I tried to love myself, but anytime I thought I was worth anything more than a knut, I look down and see _this_!" the other boy raises up his arm and pushes back his bandages to reveal his Dark Mark, covered in varying severity of cuts. When he knew Harry had seen it, he fixed up his arm and faced the other direction. "And as if I'd ever want to be around those people who call themselves my parents..."

"Why don't you like your parents? I know your father was a Death Eater, but what about your mum?"

The blond turned back to face Harry once more. "My father had become one of them, so when he failed, I had to take his place. My mother didn't even _try_ to stop them from making me into one of _them_! " He shouted. Malfoy's hair, normally in immaculate condition, was now tousled and unkempt, which made the situation more unnerving.

The blond continued "You know, there was only one reason why I decided to put off this whole thing, and it was because of someone. I had a reason to live, but it was only to see if they cared if I died...I love them, so much, but if I ever told anyone, well... If they knew I loved them, a bloody Death Eater, they would probably be the one to push me off the tower. I wouldn't blame them."

"Malfoy, please...just step away from the edge, you don't have to do this!"

"But alas, I do..." the Slytherin said, a bittersweet smile found itself on his face as he sat on the railing and jumped off the tower.

_"No! Malfoy! Wingardium Leviosa!"_  
  
Next thing Harry knew, he had a feather light Malfoy sobbing on him. Harry could make out a few of the words he said, but the just turned into sniffles and cries. They were things like "I'm tired of living", "Waste of space", and "Better off dead". The way Malfoy was acting reminded Harry so much of himself right after the war.

\----------------

He had no idea how he did, but he managed to get Malfoy to the hospital wing before classes resumed. Madam Pomfrey thanked Harry profusely for informing her on what he had been doing to himself and for saving his life. Professor McGonagall had given the three the rest of the day off after all of that. Harry decided he would much rather go to class than take the day off. The last thing he wanted was more free time to think about the whole situation. Malfoy had one reason to live, and it was about someone he fancied, but they wouldn't like him back. Harry felt an odd burning in his stomach at the thought of Malfoy with another girl. The raven haired boy couldn't focus at all for the remaining classes. All he could think about was how thin the other boy had been and how he had just been so ready to die.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pleas, if any of you are going through a hard time..don't do what Draco is doing. I promise you that things get better. They get better and you need to be around to see it. I was writing this story/am writing this story while going through a hard time. It helps y'know. Please stay safe and don't ever hurt yourself, there will always be someone out there who cares


	12. Aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He guys! Its me, Celeste. Sorry it took longer than normal to get this part out, my life has been a bit crazy. If you like the story, please let me know.  
> thx xoxo  
> Celeste Lyra

**Draco**  
Why? Didn't Potter hate him? And even if he didn't, why save his life? Draco replayed the latest event in his head as he sat in the hospital wing, feigning sleep once again. "Don't you have anything to live for?" _You._ He thought bitterly. Draco had watched Harry for a little while during the beginning of eight year. He had hoped that maybe Potter would start up an argument or ask why Draco wasn't insulting him anymore or even just talk to him. Draco had hoped that Potter would realize something was wrong with him, and he had hoped he would come to his rescue, but he had stopped dreaming and knew it would never happen. What everyone said was true. A pitiful creature like him could never love or be loved. He decided to put those fantasies away and began the path that led to the point of no return. After time, Draco became annoyed when Potter had taken interest in him later on. He felt sick and twisted up inside because it was on until then did he wonder. Draco had hoped for so long, and maybe, things could change? No. No they couldn't. He had decided what he must do, and it would all end up being for the better.  
But it never happened.

"Mr. Malfoy? Draco, dear? I know you're awake. Would you like to explain to me now why Mr. Potter, Harry, had stumbled in here with you clinging onto him? He wouldn't tell me and I really need to know since he insists you being here." Madam Pomfery said in a sweet voice

"If you really want to know what happened, ask Potter. He'll tell you how he stopped me from doing the world a favor." The blond said, his voice weak and weary

"Draco, please tell me what happened. I will get Mr. Potter if necessary, but I want you to tell me what's wrong." She said again, taking a seat on a chair she conjured up.

But Draco didn't budge

"I see. I will be back soon with Mr. Potter to tell me what happened."

~•~•~•~•~  
"He _what_?!" Screeched Madam Pomfrey.

"He had tried to off himself..." Potter had said in a quiet voice

"Merlin's beard! I need to go and give him a checkup! Please Harry, could you go get Professor McGonagall? Thank you." She said frantically. 

Draco knew she was going to be a mad woman when she realized what he had tried to do but it still was a surprise nonetheless.

Madam Pomfrey rushed to Draco and immediately started to fuss over him.  
"Oh Draco! How do you feel? I'm so glad Harry had been there at that moment!" Madam Pomfrey started his check up and gasped in horror at what she saw. Her face turned ghostly white when she lifted up the sleeve of the Slytherin's left arm. The bandages that were once on his forearm was gone and all that was left were the ugly slashes, scars, and scabs that littered his forearm. Above all of it, however, was a perfectly intact Dark Mark.

"W-why Draco? Why didn't you tell anyone?" The nurse managed to choke out, her voice barely above a whisper.

"I tried to tell someone. I wanted them to notice me but... I realized if even they didn't notice, then no one would ever, and I wouldn't be missed." The blond said flatly.

The healer started checking him some more and found some of his other wounds on his stomach, they were much more shallow and most likely not scar, but they were still there.

"Draco, don't say that! Of course you would be missed! Your mother, father, friends, they would all miss you!"

"My mother hasn't spoken to me since the battle of hogwarts, father always thought I was a disappointment and he's off in Azkaban, and I have no friends. I have nothing to loose."

Madam Pomfrey was about to comment again when Professor McGonagall has walked through the doors, Potter following closely behind.

"Mr. Potter, please stay over there. We will call you when we're ready." McGonagall said, walking to the healer.

"Poppy, I was told you needed—" but the headmistress was cut off when she had a look at Draco lying on the bed, self inflicted cuts lied in his body. She became as pale as Madam Pomfrey did when inspecting his arm.

"Attemped suicide, Professor." The healer said quietly

"In all my years at Hogwarts, I never saw anything as bad as this before. Mr. Malfoy, Draco, we need to contact your mother."

"I don't want my mother here." The Slytherin said, finality in his voice

"Draco, she has a right to know what—" Professor began, but was interrupted

"No. I am of age and I do not want her coming here. Go ahead and tell her what happened if you like, but no way she is coming here. I don't want her here." Draco bit, his voice venomous

"Draco, please we have to-" Madam Pomfrey began but she too was cut off

"No. I don't want her here."

McGonagall began "Fine then. We will let her know but if you really don't want her here, I guess we'll keep her away"

There was a pause, then Professor continued

"Draco, can you tell us what happened? "

Only silence met her words

"I see... I guess we will have to ask Harry."  
Draco crossed his arms and sat up on his bed, not speaking a word. He knew he was being childish but he didn't care.

"Mr. Potter, if we could have a word with you." the headmistress said, looking over her shoulder

The Gryffindork emerged from behind the divider and paled when he glossed his eyes over the Slytherin. Draco felt oddly vulnerable, even more so than when he was being attacked by the other students. He watched as the piercing emerald eyes swept over him, he watched as they lingered at his arm before looking at McGonagall. _His eyes look tired_ Draco thought to himself.

"Mr. Potter, Harry, since Draco here will not tell us anything, it is up to you to explain what happened last night."

"Er- well, I was walking around during our free period you see, and I er- I heard someone up in the astronomy tower and I thought I should check it out and, well. I saw him there, Professor. His wand to his head. I disarmed him and even after that, he tried to jump." The raven haired boy looked back to the blond, but the Slytherin was turned the opposite way.

"I see. Thank you for telling me, Harry. You may have the rest of the day off if you like." The teacher said solemnly. Potter just ducked his head and walked away.

"Draco," Madam Pomfrey began "I have to tend to your wounds and you will have to see a healer twice a week if you wish to not be sent to Saint Mungo's." She said as if she were talking to a toddler.

Draco said nothing. There was nothing to say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is an exact copy of the fic I’ve written on wattpad (same username and same fic name) and I’m sorry for not updating this or that one. When I finish writing this fic then I’ll switch to primarily writing here bc I love ao3 and I’ve written dozens of fics here now on a complete other account and it’s so much better


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